Getting out of a funk

Getting Out Of A Funk Part 1 5-7-16 14:43

transcription:

So a couple difficult weeks, I really didn’t want to talk about everything until things resoloved themselves and some things have. Picture it, I’m working on the next novel in my series and the hard drive crashes although we didn’t think it was the hard drive. It just kept looping and the start up menu what was that called? Restart loop? I don’t do computers. My genius brothers do computers. Anyway, J is pretty decent anyway, it turned out that the hard drive crashed and usually I do backup everything on separate devices.  At least print them up and I have a copy.

So I don’t know what went through my head, I guess the very thing that my head isn’t working right. Ever since I’ve had this concussion it’s not functioning right. So it crashed and I’m almost done with it. This is my next installment in the Dance Warrior series and I was just so devistated I’m like, that’s it it’s lost. And it took what…4 days…5 days…of it being worked on. It was at a computer doctor. I don’t know what to call em. I don’t do computers so. Any way, talk about being a nervous wreck because I did do something stupid. I did back it up but I backed it up on the hard drive which is what crashed. So I had the original on the hard drive and the backup on the hard drive. That is dumb.

I just can’t think right any more. My brain isn’t functioning. My brain is still very scrambled. It’s a pretty scary feeling. Im getting better at recalling things. I’m playing memory games to help. So we went through that and everything’s recovered and everything. And the thing is, it’s all new material. So you guys haven’t even seen a meme or a video done on it. I didn’t write an article or anything and some of it is really cool stuff I think. I think it’ll help a lot of people. And that sinking feeling, it’s final, it’s over, and I thought there’s no way, I can’t remember any of it. I didn’t have any of it except for
that copy.

So any way, all the data has been retrieved. And that’s fine but for the past 5 days I’ve been a wreck because I’m thinking … what do you do? Sure I could start from the beginning, but what do you do? I can’t remember all that. I’m having a hard enough time remembering names and things. It’s pretty bad. So, all’s well that ends well. So that’s ok. Our next thing, our home that we were going to move into fell through. I’m just belly aching over that. Because it was affordable, we were going to rent and it was beautiful.
And one of those possible renting to own at some point type of a situation. I’m down for that. But that completely fell through. So if any of you know of a place, nice place. Not another whole in the wall like this place. Not doing that again. That’s enough.

If anybody knows of a really nice place to rent. And I’m not living in a small place again. I can’t handle this, I can’t. You know? I think once you reach a certain age, I mean at our age, we shouldn’t be living in an apartment. It’s just too small. I get claustrophic so any way, if anybody knows of a place to rent that’s reasonable and that’s nice, please let us know. Because we’re definitely, we’re down to rent some place. That was the heart  breaking thing too. And then, I find that somebody is moving, leaving, and I’m still devastated. I still can’t talk without getting upset.

I get very upset just thinking about it, it’s just you know? It hurts. This person I love them so much and I don’t want them to leave like that. . . not like that. I hope that they don’t really leave but  nothing I can do about it. So tomorrow’s mother’s day and I’m a mother. And I miss my mom. This is one of the hardest years I’ve had to go through. Probably because I’ve had so much loss especially recently. Like last year was pretty bad and this year is pretty heavy too.

I don’t understand why so many people leaving and why I have so much loss. Maybe you can relate to that. If you can I’m not sure I’m the one who has the answers. I’m usually the one that’s encouraging and try to inspire everybody to be beautiful and to keep going and at this point, I’m the one in need; that needs the help and the encouragement and support. So please do send that, if you have anything to say to me that’s really uplifting I would … I could use it. I could use it a lot.

So there’s a lot of not ok things happening lately but somehow we’ve gotten through them. And I know that we’ll find another place to live it’s just disappointing and I have to trust that God has something better in mind for us. And we’ll just have to wait a little longer I guess that’s all. And I have this minor thing. You guys have seen this dress. It’s not like an off the shoulder thing…my husband’s hands were slimey and wet and he touched me and I just can’t – I don’t like to be wet like that. So I did this. I don’t want
to get changed…lol…so that’s ….

Just please know that I am going through a very trying, challenging, difficult time right now.  The weight of losing people is just so hard and I’m sure you guys can relate to it, I’m not the only one who’s loved and lost. You know that saying goes? And on the flip side of things, I know I’ve shared  very exciting things are happening too. So I did some research, I had to, on …this is some fun stuff.  I really have to start talking about it to you guys right now because I don’t wanna get that upset.  Check it out…red. I’m not one, I don’t think looks good with red lipstick. I think it’s really hard for me to find the right shade.

This is a lipliner and I have chemical sensitivities so my liver has gotten better so I’ve been able to be around more chemicals but I still have to be careful because they can still overide and saturate my liver and then a whole bunch of problems happen so I have to be careful still. And lipstick for whatever reason has whatever in it that just does not agree with me and my body. So, I …lipstick liner, that’s  what this is. It stays on longer too. I use powder and all these really great things to keep it like that. So yeah it’s pretty cool. This is L. I’ve not used a lot of their products before. They’re actual lipsticks I used to use it as a teenager.

I had this silky violet color I kinda looked good in that color too and they really don’t make that any more. That was big in back in the day and it looked good on me. It was like a punk rave, wait what was it called new wave look and the neon blue eyeliner, it was just fun, right? Any way, I can still remember what that smelled like and tonight when we went out I um the boys the men folk in my life wanted to try to cheer me up a little bit so we went shopping for red lipstick and this is gonna be like hell on earth because I’ve
never really been able to really…I’ve found one and it’s not made any more and I’ve had it for like 7 years. Unscented, it didn’t make me gag, I didn’t feel like I had some weird waxy potpouri on my lips. So I said, you know what, let me go back to what I used to do. I need to find creamy lip liner. And voila. How does this actually work now? Oh it’s one of those screwing things. That sounds funny. But you turn it I didn’t buy the pencil sharpener, they have those types where you have to buy a pencil sharpener just for
the lipliner. Any way, so if you have chemical sensitivities, try this. They make a whole bunch of different shades. Yeah…it’s L. I can’t read this, holy beans. Color rich something. Always red. So we’ll see how this works. So far so good.

My problem is, because I’ve got a bit of an overbite, I always look like I’m eating my lipstick. And I do this, and I do the blotting. It doesn’t matter it gets on my teeth. Whatever. Anyway I’m gonna try this. So I did some research to find out what lipsticks are made of. And I’m not sure what it is that I’m allergic too but definitely the scents. Now here’s the thing; if you’re gonna be flying anywhere, you know how you gotta get these quart bags to put your liquids in? I dont fly a lot. I am so afraid of flying. So I dont do it often when my company went back east, right? Check this out, this is under 3 ounces or something like that. And this is ok. I dont understand all it but I now have to put this in a plastic bag like this if I wanna go on a plane. You know? It’s just random stuff I’m talking about.

I dont know. I dont want to know. I just do what I’m told. Anyway, I found these really beautiful neutral colors. I use a lot of CG because they have unscented stuff. Some of it smells like what’s that stuff? I dont use a lot of product because it makes me sick but if you have allergies just try different brands. This one seems to work the best for me. So Im telling you all this why???

It’s rather random and lame. Because this is what I’m doing to get myself out of a funk. And I gotta tell you something, it’s not working. Im so extremely upset. I havent felt this sad in a long time. To face another mohter’s day and I dont have my mom around. What does one do? What can I do? 14 minutes! Good god I talk too much! Do I? Yeah…I’ll do another video. But that’s it. Love you bye.

 

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